For some reason I started drifting off from the friendship island. It happened gradually, unconsciously.
Let me take a step back.. We all have bestfriends in stages of our lives, for the lucky ones they have at least one for life since birth. For me, they all came when I needed them and so the drifting apart came naturally.
I had a bestfriend in grade school – we lost touch when we entered high school. She had her own set of friends and I had mine. But even after that I was present at her wedding and even been a god mother to her eldest and yet that was it.
I never had a best friend during high school. Maybe because every year I end up with different sets of classmates so I never had the chance to build a closer friendship with anyone. I met a group of close friends but then once we graduated it somehow ended our friendship too. I don’t remember us trying to reach out to stay in touch. I guess life just happened for each of us. I’m thankful I met them and helped me through the awkward years of puberty.
College days were more fun for me in a sense I fell in love and had my heart broken, I met friends whom I cherished even after college and one of them was my second bestfriend. I was the maid of honor on her wedding, I became the god mother to her eldest. We kept in touch even after college but adulting hit each of us so hard that we rarely saw each other. At least once or twice a year on birthdays and the holidays we meet and talk for hours like it was just yesterday. Like bestfriends we talk about anything and everything. It’s more than a year since she and her family migrated to another country – I don’t know when I will see her again.
I met another bestfriend at my first job – and like the other one she got married, had a family, and migrated. We usually write letters during the first few months after she left. Then the letters died down to birthday and holiday greetings.
Then I fell in and out of love again but out of it I met my next bestfriend. It was different in a way that he is the youngest brother of my uncle’s wife. So we spent a lot of time during family gatherings. We spent times outside of the family circle. We both recently mourned the death of a common friend. Now, I don’t remember the last time we saw each other. It seems like we’ve been putting off our next meet up.
I met a lot of friends mostly from work and we bonded tight, we were really close. Most of them started living and working abroad. That’s how our friendship drifted off. They are as bad as me when it comes to keeping in touch. I used to come to reunions when they are in town until last year – I stopped going. Those friends I still have starting having families of their own, having relationships – I have none.
Maybe I am lacking but I know what kind of friend I am.. I’m the go-to kind of friend – they come to me for advise, for help, and support – and I give them my all when they need me bad. I’m the kind who makes DIY presents because it’s more special. I’m the kind who writes poetry as a gift to my friends. On the other side, I’m the kind who rarely ask for help, I don’t bother anyone, I’m self-sufficient in most ways.
So what happened? I don’t know, the interactions became lesser to none even on social media. It just stopped or I just stopped.
My INFJ and HSP part is still trying to figure out this phase.
I wrote this piece because I just miss having a bestfriend..